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Saturday, July 1st, 2006

Time:6:50 pm.
My mind has been running about 92382 miles/minute, that it's very difficult just to write for once and attempt to clear it. I have scholarship essays to write, I can't focus I don't know where to start and that fucking clock keeps ticking until the deadline comes and hopefully I'll get off my ass and force myself to FOCUS.

I hate that I'm so busy it affects my work environment. I know people are talking about me, how much my work has changed, i am constantly switching around my work schedule, etc., etc., and I wish I was the person that says "who fucking cares, I'm leaving in a month anyway," but unfortunately I'm a hard worker, a good person, who doesn't like when it is clear my work has declined, esp. due to stress, business, etc.

For some reason, I am kind-of depressed and I can't really figure out why. Maybe it IS because things are going so well that I don't know what to do with myself.

But anyway, back to business: I got my OFFICIAL acceptance letter to Suffolk University, and it's July 1st now and I still have to register and go to orientation and make a schedule and ack- what the hell classes are left two months before school starts??? I haven't heard anything about financial aid yet, and that's driving me insane; not just because I would like to know how much they're giving me (if any), but also cause I'm waiting for the response so THEN I can turn in my scholarships!

- Scholarship stuff
- $$$ stuff
- Financial aid stuff
- I'm moving (I have 3290 things to do with that alone)
- I am scared (its only natural when you move by yourself to this big city where you'll be relying on subway systems day in and day out and you don't REALLY know anyone, *REALLY*)

No, I cannot relax, I'm Erin Hogan, duh.
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Thursday, May 18th, 2006

Time:2:24 pm.
Mood: melancholy.
ick, bad day. One of those days that despite how much people compliment you, nothing seems to work and you're just stuck down in the dumps.
- Even though you found out your officially graduated (but its only NCCC anyway, so who cares?)
- Even though people tell you you have dreamy eyes and are prettier than pretty girls
- Even though I graduated with a 3.8, despite taking 18 credit hours, working full time, getting an apartment in a new city, and volunteering x2

I'm not sure how much I like these pictures, I think I kinda ruin em (like i said, bad bad day). Eventually more and more will be posted, since they were just taken last night and that's all he has had the time to post so far..
please look at these and tell me what you think, kay?
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Wednesday, March 1st, 2006

Time:4:56 am.
So it's definitely 5 AM. That is the last time i ever take a nap- who would have thought an innocent 3 hour nap would turn into a night of restless tossing and turning? After an hour and a half of wasting time thinking about all the shit I could be doing, I gave in. I just wrote a half-assed essay that I will be taking to the Writing Center this week, in hopes of transforming it into a work of excellence. Freaking entrance essays! As if 18 credit hours weren't enough, I have to somehow find time to write about "what I can give to this university" (one of three options)?! I think not (that's where the Writing Center comes in- gotta use up those activities fees we pay).
Right now I really miss a few years ago and staying up super late like this and going out for breakfast with friends... Nestors! I could so go for some watery scrambled eggs, wheat toast, and coffee that takes far too long for a refill.
Other than that, what? I'm diggin' life- school, work, volunteering. I really don't have time for anything else if I want to succeed, so that's what I gotta do until... who knows. I'm going to Daytona (waaaaay overdue vaca) in June, my sister gets married in July, I'm relocating in August. Crisis Services is fantastic and I couldn't ask for a better volunteer opportunity! I learn so much there, the people are great, and its FUN!! Plus, you could never- ever- get bored there with the diversity of calls we get in. I volunteer there tomorrow evening, 6-10. I have a meeting with their Advocate Program director so I can start the intensive training for the Advocate Program. The training is 40+ hours, after which I will be doing 2 12-hour on call shifts a month. What does this mean? This means if someone gets raped and has to go to the hospital, I get my ass out of bed and drive myself to said hospital with a rape comfort kit. Sounds comforting, right? Actually, I am really looking forward to it.. and to think, this is VOLUNTARY.

What pisses me off #219892: The TRUTH that the more your job deals with the direct care and safety of others, the less you get paid.
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Sunday, November 13th, 2005

Time:11:30 pm.
Mood: indifferent.
I have become. SO anti-social , I don't even know how to act in the rare occassion that I actually do go out. I am so involved in my own thoughts and not having to deal with the infiltration of others, that when I DO, I don't know. what. to. say. I think its at the point now where it has gotten unhealthy.
Where do you find the equal balance of individual self-knowing and going out to meet new people? New people suck. I went to the pink last night, and sat in a bar stool and observed everyone. I wanted to be invisible and so I was. Then I get depressed and ultra-girly, "am i ugly am i fat what's wrong why aren't people talking to me????" I am such a damn girl sometimes. Even the few people i see that I am interested in having a conversation with, ie "vibe boy" at school, I don't know what to say to them. All signs I give out point to stay away (arms crossed head down...) but sometimes I wish they'd just say fuck it she rules and tear the shell down i put up.
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Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005

Time:12:53 pm.
Yesterday I wrote a check out for $863 it was definitely the biggest check I ever wrote.
If this were three years ago, I would have ALL My tuition paid for by Wegmans and my parents. Since I fucked up, I have my parents claiming they will not give me ANY money for school (I think they're testing me) and the only tuition assistance I have is $500 per semester from People Inc. AFTER six months of service so who knows if I am even eligible this semester or not???
Goddamn. And they say listening to your heart is always the best bet. If you ask me, its kind-of a fucking ripoff!

I'm kinda tempted to apply as relief at some other disabilities agency so I can get more tuition paid for. yuck.
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Friday, July 29th, 2005

Time:12:42 pm.
It is true.
99.999% of the people you currently know will learn ways to break you down. When they find these said ways, they WILL do everything they can to fuck with you, breaking you down until you're nothing but dirt.
I am all about finding the .001% that geuinely wants to build me up.
Fuck having cool friends, fuck the people that think they know you, fuck the labels, subcultures, and fashion.
It's time to make a list and start crossing off names. This'll take a while.
Which list are YOU on??????
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Tuesday, June 21st, 2005

Time:12:10 am.
In regards to my last entry, I may not be going to see Tom Petty or Def Leppard (yet) but let me brag about how I am going to see BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN FOR FREE thanks to the lady at my work that speaks in letters. She loves the boss, and she wants to go see him. She clearly cannot go alone. Basically I'm getting paid to see him (I'll be getting paid the time I'm with her). Ha. yeah.
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Thursday, May 26th, 2005

Time:11:20 am.
isn't it great to have an obsession?
I have decided I need to own, like, every Joyce Carol Oates book out there. Okay, minus all her weird-and-sick-as-fuck gothic ones, like the one with the priest's boy who turns into a serpent by the pond and sexually molests the girl by brainwashing her. Yeah I don't think those are worth it. But umm I just ordered "The Falls," "Because it is Bitter, and Because it is my Heart" (obviously because the title of THAT one is ME), and "On Boxing" (which is actually about boxing.

I also decided I was born in the wrong era, I was SUPPOSED to be in the 1950s. I could wear a party dress every day of my life. Swing dancing drive-ins HOLY SHIT amazing! Instead I feel kinda dumb if I wear a dress two days in a row.

I warned you all of my entries were going to be impersonal and pointless from now on.
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Saturday, May 14th, 2005

Time:12:59 pm.
I hate Livejournal.
I hate it because I get pissed off and usually find it way more convienant to vent my pissed-offness on the internet, instead of going upstairs and writing in my cute little journal with the old cover ripped off. You cannot trust people on here. Nor do I want most of these people to know that much about me.
So, I deleted a lot of my entries. I was going to delete this whole thing, but I like some of my postings. From now on, I will try to post impersonal rants, "surveys and quizzes," and other useless crap on here.
Time to work out. Ballys, here I come.
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Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005

Time:9:44 pm.
i just think its real funny that AGNOSTIC is #1, yet ATHEISM is the last one...

You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof).

Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.




















Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com
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Sunday, May 16th, 2004

Time:12:39 pm.
Mood: anxious.
Today I'm hanging out with this guy in the middle of nowhere. I'm pretty damn nervous. We're hanging out at my parent's cabin where there is no running water (an outhouse), no cable, no phone line, and no heat. It's camping the old-fashioned way, the way it should be.
The 2 times we've hung out were at bars with our friends around us, and both already drunk when we started talking.
Soooo... I'm super nervous. Trying not to be.
The worst part is, I probably won't get any phone reception to call my friends for moral support..... wish me luck!
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Monday, May 10th, 2004

Time:7:42 pm.
fun picrtures from Saturday night

Cat and I in the "haunted tunnel" at the Ham's party last week.
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Sunday, March 21st, 2004

Time:8:46 am.
Oh yeah... So Monday my sister, mi madre, and I went to see Elvis Costello in Toronto. The show was awesome, despite all the "grown-ups" that were there. I'm sayin, they give me these looks with their suits and sweaters like "what the fuck is SHE doing here" noses in the air. And I all think to myself "what the fuck are YOU doing here, motherfucker" Anyway. I met Elvis Costello after the show. Yeah, let me say that again.
Got my picture taken with him (yeah, I'm a nerd) well my EYES ARE CLOSED, but its still in a framed 8 x 10, along with the ticket stub autographed by Steve Nieve and the man himself.

Try to tell me I'm not cooler than you now, just TRY IT... :)
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LiveJournal for Accidents will happen.

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You're looking at the latest 13 entries.